TOAST
Overcoming Habitual Limitations
By Joyce Bavlinka, M. Ed., LISAC
Routines can help us structure our time, keep us focused on the task at hand and facilitate goal attainment. Yet routine can also get us into rigidity. In Phoenix, David Gordon and Mary-Beth Anderson recount Erickson’s experience eating breakfast with a colleague:
“And we ALL have our own rigidities without knowing it. I recall eating breakfast in a hotel in Chicago with a colleague who watched me eat my toast in ABSOLUTE horror. I could see the horror in his face. I didn’t know what it meant… the TOAST was good!
Finally he asked, ‘what is the matter with you, haven’t you got any table manners of ANY sort?”
I said, ‘Why do you ask?’
“You buttered your toast, broke it into two, and now you are eating half of it.’
I said, ‘That’s right….it tastes very good.’
He said, ‘the PROPER way is to CUT your slice of toast into four parts and you pick up each piece separately and eat it.’
I asked him why and he said, “because that is the only WAY to eat toast!”’
So the next morning I ate my toast by WHOLE toast without breaking it in half.’ He finally learned to eat toast comfortably.” [page 29]
How often do we repeatedly ‘cut toast’ in the same manner not realizing that there are so many ways to butter, cut, and eat toast? Try cutting your toast in a different manner or just not cut it at all. Think of all the ways you can make a sandwich and how you can cut it. Do you always cut vegetables in same manner? Peel an onion in the same manner? Always use your fork in your dominant hand? Drive to work on the same streets? Put your shoes on always putting your right shoe on before left, or left before right?
Commentary: After writing the above I thought about how I could utilize ‘toast?’ Most mornings, I take a three-mile walk on the canal path near where I live. I usually walked on the west side of the canal. Why not combine west-side and east-side walking? Why not take an alternative path? Why not take the dirt path? And why not take a detour through the row of bushes? Now I think of different ways of walking the canal. It has become ‘fun’ to figure out different ways to ‘toast’ the canal.
If you decide to toast a daily activity and would like to share it with us, please email joyce@ericksonfoundation.org
Sidney Rosen, M. D. devotes a chapter in In My Voice Will Go with You, on overcoming habitual limitations. Erickson sees the need to establish “a mental set that is broader or less limited than the preceding one. … if you want to become creative or to think creatively, you must practice what has been called “divergent thinking…. One idea moves out into many directions, like the branching on a tree…. These tales are typical of those Erickson used to stretch people’s minds.”
Rosen recounts a story, Going from Room to Room.
“I asked a student, “How do you get from this room into that room?
He answered, “First, you stand up. Then you take a step ….”
I stopped him and said, “Name all the possible ways you can get from this room into that room.”
He said, “You can go by running, by walking: you can go by jumping, you can go by hopping: by somersaulting. You can go out the door, go outside the house, come in another door and into the room. Or you could can climb out a window if you want to…”
I said, “You said you would be inclusive but you make an omission, which is a major omission. I usually illustrate , first, by saying, “If I want to get into that room from this room, I would go out that door, take a taxi to the airport, buy a ticket to Chicago, New York, London, Rome, Athens, Hong Kong, Honolulu, San Francisco, Chicago, Dallas, Phoenix, come back by limousine and go in the back yard and then through the back gate into the back door and into that room. And you thought only of forward movement! You didn’t think of going in backwards, did you? And you didn’t think of crawling in. “
The student added, “or of sliding on my stomach either.”
We do limit ourselves so terribly in all of our thinking. “ p. 99, 101-102
Author Commentary: I had become frustrated with long delays and complications that put off my move to Phoenix. There was set-back after set-back. One afternoon I decided that there would be many ways to get to Phoenix. I challenged myself to think 100 different ways TO GET TO PHOENIX. I could:
go by bus, train, plane, motorbike, scooter, skateboard, motorcycle, trike, bike, truck or sled, by 18-wheeler, a UPS truck, an ambulance, helicopter, glider, moving van or tow truck, jeep, golf cart, Segway, skateboard, unicycle, bulldozer, tank, wagon, parachute, mule, horse, elephant, or camel.
I could run, jump, skip, walk, walk backwards, take giant steps, march, stroll, walk sidewards, crawl, on tiptoes, or on hands and knees.
I could arrive via New York, Pennsylvania, New Mexico, California, England, Antarctica, North Pole, Finland, Brussels, Egypt, Kansas, Mt. Everest, Canada, the moon, or Oz.
I could arrive alone, with a circus, with Navy Seals or Special Forces. I could arrive from the east, west, north, or south, via river, air or land, turning or spinning.
I could arrive with a cup of coffee, with a lot of stuff or very little stuff. I could arrive in winter, spring, summer, or fall. I could arrive early, late, or even a bit later. I could arrive shortly before, or sooner or later.
I could arrive angry, lonely, hungry, tired or with vigor and excitement. I could be whirling, sneezing, coughing, bleeding. I could arrive with a calm mind, mindless, awake, or asleep, in a trance or unconscious.
There were more delays, but my mind was opened and I finally was able to move out of New York City and get to Phoenix.…. just as pandemic was declared…. not how I originally planned, but there are 100+ ways to get to Phoenix.
If you would like to share other ways to get to Phoenix, please email me at joyce@ericksonfoundation.org
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